Being overweight myself I have spent a great deal of time examining why I succeed and fail to lose weight at different times in my life. Two things immediately come to mind that help and they are having a strong motivator and having people who genuinely seem to have a vested interest in my success. The first one is easy but usually temporary, the second one is much much more difficult to achieve, mostly because of my own perception of the world and the other people I encounter in it.
The truth is, the ‘weight loss industry’ doesn’t want you to lose weight any more than the pharmaceutical companies want to resolve your health problems. It is a simple business decision, if they actually help you achieve a long-lasting result, than their revenue will diminish and their shareholders will be sad pandas. Do you really think that the gratification from “helping people” is worth more than the billions of dollars in revenue from selling products that either don’t work or are only temporarily effective? (really?)
Although I believe the above statement to be true, I am not yet jaded enough to believe that all people or companies are just money hungry buzzards circling easy consumer prey waiting for it to die. At the same time, if the shoe fits, wear it. At the end of the day the people selling these products and services forget all about you, go home, and do whatever they do. They have no vested interest in your success. They don’t get paid for each pound you lose or for each tiny amount of self-esteem you get from feeling better or looking better. To them, you are just a large (No pun intended) demographic that they know they can sell products to, because they know you are desperate to lose weight, you are tired down to your soul of being overweight, and you will do almost anything to break the cycle.
What about the random people on the street? They don’t care about your struggle, they have their own problems. They just know that your weight makes them uncomfortable. They couldn’t possibly know how hard you are working to change your life and it honestly wouldn’t matter to them if you told them. They don’t know that you just spent 45 minutes on a treadmill (40 of them with every muscle in your body screaming in pain for you to stop) and again even if they did, they wouldn’t care.
The energy it takes to make a major change in your life is massive. It affects every aspect of your life. It is a physically and psychologically draining process and you can never take a break from it. Going from either not making choices for yourself or making negative choices, to making positive choices about your diet and exercise consumes a huge amount of time and energy.
Even more importantly, after expending all of that energy to work towards a goal, do you have the strength to withstand the crushing assault of a setback when all of your best efforts don’t lead you to the desired result? (Which, lets be honest with ourselves will happen) The blow of a setback can be even worse when using a product or service to help you lose weight because the ‘provider’ is not going to accept any responsibility for your failure, and your own internal logic will lead you to believe that it is all your fault. (even if they don’t specifically express that to you and would be happy to take the credit for any success you may come by).
These elements all lead to feeling alone which in any struggle is probably the hardest thing to overcome. Do your friends and family (not to mention your personal trainer or the people who manufacture the amazing weight loss drug you’re taking) *really* understand what you’re going through? Even if they are overweight their journey is most likely completely different than your own and they experience their lives in a totally different way. They may not have the same urgency or feel the same pressure to lose weight as you and might not understand how physically, mentally, and emotionally uncomfortable your weight makes your life.
In the end, no matter how many products you buy, books you read, personal trainers and dieticians you consult with and assholes you encounter. No one but you can make a change in your life. People won’t understand how hard it is. Your friends won’t understand why you are so moody or why you don’t want to go to your favorite eatery anymore. They won’t understand why you avoid situations where it may be difficult to control yourself. You will feel tremendously alone and they may feel alienated.
Add to that the difficulty of admitting to someone else (can you admit it to yourself?) that you have a problem with control or making healthy choices for yourself and you have all of the elements of a perfect failure. You feel alone because nobody will understand, but you can’t explain it to the people close to you because you’re embarrassed or ashamed. Toss in the dirty looks from random people and sprinkle on some of the personal trainer or nutritionist telling you that you are just not doing what you are supposed to do, and you are one bad weigh in or a pair of jeans not fitting away from a total and complete 180 degree reversal in your attitude towards your journey. It really can be that fragile.
Once your attitude shifts towards something from positive to negative, no matter how good the good was, the negative is always going to outweigh the positive in your mind. Yes, you worked out and ate better and it was making you healthier but you didn’t lose weight. (that is the only thing that matters to you). You did everything you thought you were supposed to do and still hit a brick wall (at high speed).
All of the things I’ve mentioned above are mostly thoughts and feelings motivated by my own understanding of the world that I live in. Everyone has their own “world” that they live in, nobody will see something in exactly the same way. The only way to break these cycles is by changing the way you think about your struggle, I’ll be sure to let you know when I figure out how to do that.
Drew
Tags: diet, perception, Weight Loss